Ipods, Country Walks, TV and Stuff

No one is reading my blog anyway so I am going to be less bothered about what I say. Free disassociative writing is going to be more my style from now on.

I don't know what I want to be doing, but I am actually doing something which is not AA. I am going for walks in the country with a london walking group. Not very rock and roll but I crave fresh air and exercise and it seems to make me feel ok.

I still find it incredibly difficult to make conversation with my colleagues. It is partly due to my social skills, where I admit there is room for improvement but they really just don't care that there is someone sitting in the group who is not included in the conversation. That would make me feel uncomfortable. I guess not everyone thinks like me.

I am loving my Ipod at the moment. Still figuring out a system on the I tunes but I am actually doing things for myelf, not relying on other people to get ideas about what to do or just copying people. I useed to just copy people now I am just doing whatever. I am well behind the times on music. I have a lot of catching up to do. I am on a tribe callled quest and Massive Attack at the moment. Only about 10 years behind.

I am also watching TV and I can see why people love just watching films. First six or seven months couldn't watch TV. I couldn't watch other people living, having a good time as I had just had a breakdown of sorts, rock botton in AA terms.

Maybe I am becoming like a normal person? I don't want to get fat and not care about my appearance though. I can see why people who just feel alright and are not driven to be perfect can let themselves go. When I get a bit of peace of mind I go into whatever mode, in a good way though. Sponsor used to say you have to change your motivation, so will be thinking up my motivations for keeping fit and healthy and improving my appearance. I like the way I look at the moment, but want to make the most of my last few months of being in my twenties.

I never planned to get this old. I don't know why, I didn't actually think I would be dead but I guess I have never thought this far ahead. It's good though. I'm alive, I'm healthy, I have a career and I am in recovery. I am pleased about that!